AGAIN!?!

Posted by Renita Hill on

     About 8 months after losing Kali, I was finally at a point in my life where I could finally say her name without the pain hitting me all over again. After I had her my mom took pictures of her beautiful face because she never wanted to forget her granddaughter. I am pleased to say that I was able to look at those pictures and the only thing I could do was smile. She was perfect. A complete mixture of both her dad and I. After seeing those photos it pushed me to the point where my husband and I decided we would try again. 
     One month after making the decision to go for it, I wasn't feeling good. I was having difficulty breathing and was experiencing the worse fatigue you could ever imagine. Now at that time, the only thing that came to my mind was the coronavirus. From early March up until now, COVID-19 has been the center of every discussion. I work as a full-time pharmacist, so of course it was possible for me to come in contact with someone who has the virus at any given moment. Therefore, when those symptoms caught me by surprise, I automatically thought the worse. However, my doctor thought differently. She asked me to take a test and see if I was possibly pregnant. So I did just that. You should have seen my face, when I received that "BFP" (Big Fat Positive). I had to get a digital test that would give the results as either pregnant or not pregnant just to make sure I was seeing correctly. The test said "Pregnant". I was excited, regardless of all the COVID-19 that was going on around me, I was on cloud 9. I had scheduled my first OB appointment for the following week. I couldn't wait until I could see my little one on the ultrasound.
     Two days after getting my positive, the unexpected happened. I started to bleed and I knew exactly what was happening. For the next two days, my body continued to tell me that, "This was not a viable pregnancy". After the two days and everything  stopped, I went to my doctor and they told me what I had already known. Surprisingly, the pain wasn't as bad. I think I was down for maybe a split second and then I knew that I couldn't keep beating myself up about things that were bound to happen. I simply asked my doctor, " Now that this is miscarriage number 2.....what's our solution?". Stay tuned to find out......

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